You're momma's so fat people say she's got a celestial body...Ah the beautiful rhythm of a mum cuss, it quenches my mind's thirst like a camel's first glug of water after a 14 day desert hike. Delicious!

We all love a good insult and even better, a great come-back or retort. Like in the Simpsons when Lisa says to Bart, "Bart, that's tomorrow's dinner" to which Bart wittily replies, "You're tomorrow's dinner!!" Brilliant, did you see what he did there? I usually try and take what someone said to me and turn it into an insult, just like Bart. It is the very pinnacle of a canny quip. Maybe...for a 5 year-old...with brain rot...

Anyway here's a hilarious list of some of the greatest retorts in the history of retortage, so read up and next time someone calls you a 'Feeble, pitiable sh#t herder with the brain of a retarded toad', as people often call me, you can come-back with something cutting like 'Yeah, well you're a retarded toad!' That'll learn 'em.

I'll leave you with a quote from Groucho Marx. While not quite a retort it is at least a brilliant response. When asked by his friend S. J. Perelman about whether he'd read Perelman's new book Marx replied, 'From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.'

Do you rate Kanye West as a supreme being, is he, for you, the high water mark of civilisation, the reason we were put upon this Earth, our hip-hop saviour? I think at times he likes to consider himself as much - music's answer to life-giving water, a man who considers himself so important he's an as yet unknown Law of Physics.

Or, perhaps, when scientists finally switch back on the LHC at CERN they will discover that the Higgs boson - the particle that will explain how massless elementary particles cause matter to have mass, known as the god particle due to its importance - well they'll discover that it's actually Kanye West, he is the thing that gives matter mass. His little face will be looking back at them, with winged angels buzzing about worshipping at the divine altar of his trendily venetian-blind-bespectacled head, with God the almighty on his righteous knees sucking Kanye's weiner like the holy trinity depended on it.

That's how important he thinks he is.